Legacy of Time

Hello. I wrote this a while ago. And yes, it does have a 'Field of Dreams' imprint. However, the idea came well before the movie. It is said that the Old Montreal Forum was haunted with past folkloric legends. So I took a stab at a fictional story about it. I'm more of an essayist however feel free to offer some thoughts and - gulp- criticism. Hope it's not too long - if you're a hockey fan it shouldn't be if I did my job right! It's about 1 100 words.

Legacy of Time

We remember the ghosts that lived in the Old Forum. They had migrated from the previous one into the newer modern version. They were carrying a torch of formidability for posterity. It was a place where legends were born and majestic teams ruled in the spirit of what was the grandeur of Rome. Effortlessly, artistically and powerfully they dazzled not only their fans and opponents alike but themselves too.

The ghosts made their presence felt one last time in a game between the great Montreal Canadiens, Les Habitants, Nos Glorieux, and Toronto Maple Leafs in what was the last year before they tore down the old rink. One gets the sense that the ghosts were hanging around on this somber day. It is as if they had no intentions of moving again. They did not like what they foresaw down the road. Some were fixing the banners of all those Stanley Cups, others were playing around on the ice chasing each other, still others sat back and listened to the play-by-play of a game between the Red Wings and Bruins broadcast on the radio. "Hey, do you think Terry Sawchuk, Eddie Shore, and Dit Clapper are at the Gardens tonight?" shouted Bill Durnan a standout goalie for the Habs. "Nah" joked Aurel Joliat; "They want to stay here! Same for

The present Habs were a mere shadow of their former selves. They were a team that was mismanaged and with it its tradition of excellence. Vision was lost to designers of this once majestic franchise. No one is really sure how this was allowed to happen. Some believe that the Habs will rise again one day. After all, the dynasties of the New York Yankees and Green Bay Packers were able to do it. Why shouldn't Les Canadiens complete the Triumvirate? Maybe one day the Boston Celtics will join in. It will be a return to a Golden Age.

On this typically cold night, Montreal is losing 4-1 heading into the third period to their archrivals Toronto Maple Leafs. "Where are these fricken ghosts" one player on the bench asks. Peetie, a strong and effective player for the Habs, tells him there are no ghosts. "Get a grip and play hard" he continues. "Just get the puck to J-P."

In the stands, a young fan feels like his life is coming apart. "Will the ghosts come through, Dad?" he asks. "They always do son." The father unconvincingly tells his son.

Howie Morenz, the Stratford Streak, Montreal's first legend, overhears the conversation on the bench. He had spent most of the game taping his hockey sticks and wasn't much interested in the game. Suddenly he wasn't so indifferent. He summons the lads for one more round of magic.

"What do you say boys?" Morenz proposes. Out of the clear, The Rocket passes by and tells them about the boy who believed in them. "I'm in" he decides. The others followed.

On his next shift, Peetie gets off the bench and scores an incredible goal. 4-2. He came sweeping in from the left side and lifted a backhand shot with deadly accuracy into the top of the net. Peetie was a hustler not known for such flair. Even the French players were impressed. "If Peetie could score like dis evry game, hostie we'd beat all de teams all de time" quipped Jean-Paul with an ear to ear smile, their leading scorer. The coach comes over "What the hell got into you? Good job."

Even Peetie wondered. "Lucky shot" he murmurs to himself. He goes down to tighten his skate. As Peetie looks up he sees something flash by. He nudges his teammate. "Did you see that?" The team mate responds "See what?" Peetie could have sworn he saw #7 fly by.

The Habs are playing uncharacteristically with marvel and style. Their skating reminds some in the stands of the old Habs. One fan shouts, "Who do you guys think you are? The Second Coming of '56 and '78?" Jean-Paul, at that moment, breaks between two Leaf defensemen and scores. They look back haplessly and amazement as they look at each other realizing that assigning blame was futile. 4-3 with 4 minutes to go. Jean-Paul shakes his head at an image he thinks he just saw. "#9? Nah."

No one ever thought that Mario would be the next one to tie this game up. He did. 4-4. He could have sworn he saw #2 flash before he scored. The energy in the Forum is electric. If one could read body language, the Leafs had resigned themselves to defeat. One player remarked later "It was as if the ghosts came down and played the game."

In the broadcast booth Danny Gallivan the sweet voice of Montreal Canadiens radio play-by-play calls the game as he winks to Dick Irvin who somehow was able to see him.
Behind the bench stands a stoic Toe Blake. He glances over the coach and his notes and ensures what will work and what will not. The ghosts have arrived.

The game is not won. There are 33 seconds left in this critical game. Peetie bolts down the wing taking whacks and pushing off opponents and out of the corner of his eye he sees all past Montreal Canadien legends around him, he let's a ferocious slap shot go. He scores! Habs lead 5-4. Doug Harvey taps Peetie's knees with his stick. Peetie was too much in the moment and did not realize what had just happened. He felt the tap and figured it was his linemate Mario.

The proud Toronto Maple Leafs, however, will not leave without a fight. One of their fine players fakes the goalie with 3 seconds to go...What a save! Habs win! Behind the net, one could have sworn Vezina and Plante were chuckling.

With the arena emptying out the young boy and his father in the stands wait a little while longer absorbing the victory. "Dad" asks the young boy. "Yes, Steve" the father replies. "Dad, look on the ice." The father looks down and squints lightly. Father and son, together they got a glimpse of the ghosts whom were congratulating each other. While they sat and watched in utter amazement, one of the ghosts, in a tuque and a woolen Habs jersey, winks, smiles, skates away and vanishes.

Incredible. Later, as the lights were shutting down, the ghosts hugged one another and skated off the ice for the last time. They were tired. They swore they would come back one day. Maybe #23 could pick up and assemble together the fragmented pieces fallen to the ground that was once a symbol of excellence that transcended sports. The illustrious 'C' may indeed shine one day like the beacon Dante saw when he left the Inferno with Virgil.

Tip of the Week - Writing Tools

Hello all:

What do I mean by writing tools? Well, several things really. Besides the obvious things such as a computer or pen and paper, there are some things a writer should not be without:

1) a brain...

okay

1) An up-to-date dictionary
2) Roget's Thesaurus
3) Notebook
4) Books from your writing genre
5) Reference books
6) Instructional material

Let's take a closer look at each one:

1) An up-to-date dictionary. This is must as a writing tool. Not only will it help with definitions, but can give you ideas from the definition there. If you are like me, you read other words on the page. Occasionally you find one you haven't used in awhile, or have never heard of. Try finding new woreds to work into your story, but don't over do it. The perfunctory effervescense of the undulating frog bump stew...

2) A thesaurus: Don't leave home without it! Even if you think you are a master of the English language and know its every nuance and subtlety, there is usually a better word or phrase to replace ones written in your first few drafts. After awhile, you can feel when a word doesn't have the write punch or is too weak. Don't fret, simply pick up your thesaurus and find a better word.

3) A notebook: Don't leave home without it! :) I have a cheap spiral bound notebook that you can find in any office supply or grocery store. I take mine to work with me, and write during lunch. I sit at the lone table in a makeshift breakroom, where colleagues pass frequently and ask me questions like am I writing my life story, or am I documenting my days there at work, etc. Lately, several people have asked if I am writing a book, and they are surprised to find out I am. So anyway... I use the notebook both for writing, and making notes, and jotting down new ideas. For the fun of it, I date each writing session. I do that for a couple reasons: a) For the vain hope that someday should I become famous, this little notebook may become worth something and having the date on it will make it more interesting *cough cough*, b) If someone should plagiarise my work, I can prove when I wrote it *hack wheeze*, c) now back to earth... I like to do it because it helps me track my progress. The dates allow me to see how I have changed from whenever the stuff I am revisiting was written.

4) Books from your genre: This one should be self-explanatory... Know your genre! Know your competition! Know you can match or beat your competition! Learn the good from them, learn from their mistakes.

5) Reference books or media are an invaluable source for facts and background research for your work. My short story posted several months ago was the result of a ton of research. The first draft showed way too much of the stuff I had learned. By the time it reached the version that I recently submitted, most of the facts and details from the first draft had been removed, but the flavor they gave helped set the stage for my story and give it a better sense of realism.

6) Books on how to write, edit, publish, and market are an excellent way to make sure you do everything the right way. Dont shoot blindly into the night... Know your path, and follow it to success. Please let us know about books that you have found useful.

Happy Writing!

P.S.
Dee: I am glad you have come out of the shadows and have begun to post.
Everyone: It isn't a requirement to give tips and suggestions to post. Please feel free to put some of your writing in here for the rest of us to read. In a writing group such as this, comments from your colleagues can be a very good thing. You don't have to use everything that is said, but there will undoubtedly be useful things in what people have to say. Jill and I have been trading chapters of our current works in progress, and it is interesting how helpful even one person can be in spotting flaws, offering suggestions, etc. Please contribute, it will not only benefit you, but will help all of us better our own writing skills.

Testimonial

Lisa has some great advice in her recent post about joining writer's groups. She mentions how harsh and brutal some critiques can be and how sensitive we as writers can be over our "babies." This has been one of the hardest parts of me spreading my wings and learning to fly as a writer. I just wanted to share with you what has happened to me in the last six months.

I have been writing for my own pleasure since 9th grade. I made high marks in English and Literature because I was fascinated with the written word. I read every book that crossed my path, no matter what genre. I would write poetry and essays and lock them away in a metal box in my room to keep my sisters out of my private works. For years, the box stayed locked, although growing quite full. Two journals became three, then four, then six. Still it remained locked and out of sight. I don't know why I feared the opinions of my family. I was shy and insecure. There were no huge secrets inside, yet the mystery intrigued them for many years.

I found myself unemployed in September of last year. Forty was fast approaching. It was time to reevaluate my dreams and goals. It was now or never. I unlocked the box and began rewriting and submitting. I joined writer groups. I began blogging. And I found groups of people that were just like me. No longer am I the odd man out. I have colleagues that struggle with the same issues I face. I have people who have traveled farther down the road and can inspire me with their journey. It is an awesome feeling to finally be able to express yourself openly. And, as I posted in someone's blog just today, no one can tell me that I am not a writer. I am self-published on the world wide web! I am a writer--albeit, a starving artist, but hey, welcome to my world. I have finally learned to celebrate the gifts the good Lord gave me. I hope you're enjoying yours as much as I am mine.

Thanks for being here.

Poll

Hello and Good Morning,

I'm stepping out of the shadows to make my first post. Not one to intimidate easily, I will admit that I have not posted before. Why? Well, I look at the other posts and ask myself... ummm... what tips do you have? The resounding answer every time has been... ummm... I dunno?

Nevertheless, I have just completed a great ride of self-publishng my first blook (book based on a blog) and I am doing, as Dave suggested, revisions, revisions and more revisions before I officially release it to the public on March 15th:

During this time, I have learned as much about myself as about the publishing process, picked up a few resources and ideas here and there that I'd be happy to share. But before I do so, to the purpose of this post: The Poll

1. Name: Dee Stafford, Pen Name: D.S. White (I know, I know... huge departure... LOL).



2. Book writers: What is your genre?
   
   Creative Non-Fiction, Young Adult Fiction and Adult Fiction.
   
   
3. Other writers: What are you pursuing?

I've entered the Shrine of the Madonna Short Story Contest and I am geared up to enter another by the end of this month.


4. What is your current WIP?

I have several works in progress:



• Two semi-completed short stories


• 1 Creative Non-Fiction Anthology


• 1 Young Adult Fiction book


• 2 Adult Fiction books, and


• A greeting card line.




5. What steps, if any, have you taken toward publication?

As mentioned above I have just self-published my first blook and it entailed:

a) Hiring a graphic artist, layout artist and editor
b) Purchasing my own ISBN's
c) Setting up my own Press
d) Finding a viable POD Company (besides Lulu)
e) Working out my Marketing Strategy (you want to do this one first)
f) Contacting Reviewers for reviews etc.


6. What do you need the MOST from this community?


What any community should offer, be it writers or whatever. Support, hand holding, honesty, constructive (yet gentle) criticism etc.


7. What do you feel you have to OFFER?

Resources that I've picked up in my research.

Nightsounds - An attempt at a sonnet

Past midnight hour, when most distractions die,
  A brave new phonic world, unheard of, blooms
  As if it were but delicate remnant fumes
From a blaze that charred the noise of the day gone by.
A brave new world of subtle sounds that try
  To grow from one of night-time's many wombs;
  And ere the morrow sends them to their tombs,
To steadily claim their share of our sky.
Obscurity! Relentless sonic haze!
  Distant dissonance! Stubborn nightsounds!
   Desist! I am a creature of day's light;
They rob me of my rest, your evil ways!
  For your very existence confounds
   The hoax that is the silence of the night.

-Srijan

Tip of the last several weeks: Revising Your Manuscript

REVISE, REVISE, THEN GO BACK AND DO IT AGAIN! When you are done with that, rinse and repeat!

Please please please do not be one of those writers that thinks the first draft is also the final draft. There is no more sure-fire to NEVER get published. Even the greats get edited, even the greats do revisions. So as newcomers to the novelsphere, it goes without saying that there is room for improvement.

As noted in a recent post, I have completed the first draft of my first novel. Although it has some very good sections, there are a lot which aren't that great. Several members of this community have pointed out many weaknesses with the opening section.

I know there is a lot of work and revising to be done before I will even consider moving toward an attempt at getting it published.

Good, isnt good enough. Real good isnt good enough. Great is getting there. Superb is when you can start thinking about getting published.

Tips I found online mixed with some of my own:

By the time you've read and reread your work ten or twenty times, it can become too familiar to you, making it next to impossible to flush out mistakes and recognize areas that could be reworked. Each time through seems to accomplish less than the one before.

Here are several tips to help make your revisions more productive. Take a piece of paper and list the problems you hope to discover and correct. Your list could look something like this:

1. Look for the deadwood, the unnecessary bits that don't move your story forward.

2. Check the first paragraph of each chapter for "hooks." Does your paragraph pull the reader in?

3. Check the end of each chapter for "cliffhangers." (I call this the Dun dun dun ending. Will Jill survive the rampaging loony on the Battlements? Will Lisa really find her lost puppy Peppy? Tune into the next chapter to find out!) I love to end my chapters with a great "oh crap" moment, or by dropping some sort of bombshell. This kind of thing gets the reader flipping fast to the next chapter.

4. Examine each page for balance between dialogue, action, introspection and description.

5. Find places to build in more character traits.

6. Look for inconsistencies. One place the temperature is hot, where a section shortly thereafter says that it is cold. I actually caught that one in my book.

7. Look for repetition, words repeated too often, too close to each other, repetetive phrases, words that are repeated too often, and repetition.

8. Check your dialogue tags. Eliminate the expression ridden tags, and replace them with "said". ie "Your advice stinks," Dee spat. These types of tags draw attention to themselves, where the dialogue and body language should be expressing the emotion. Always always whack any adjectives after 'said'. They weaken your writing. For example: "I let my lame dialogue tag adjectives express how I am feeling rather than show it through my actions and the words I speak," Dave said lamely. "Oh, that is too bad," Jill said disgustedly. "I don't know... I like doing that," Lisa said swayingly. You get the idea.

9. Check for overuse of words that end with -ing or -ly. Walking happily down the undulating spring blossoming hill, I sing and sing like the thing in Dr. Seuss' lovely book. "How lovely," I said lovingly. <---- both in one word, and as one of the dialogue tags to whack. he he he
Once this is pointed out to you, read through your current work. The -ing words will stand up and pop you up side the head. Buh-BAP!

10. Revisit your dialogue tags. This time make sure that they follow the form "Speaker said" instead of "said Speaker". For example: "What great advice," Jill said. Instead of : "You are loony," said Lisa.

11. Eliminate emphasis on words. For example "I THOUGHT I told you to clean UP this room, and VACUUM this filthy carpet!" Assume that your reader (or victim) is intelligent and can apply their own voice inflections. These should also stand up and cuff you a good one. The same goes for italics. "I thought I told you to clean up..." Although a person may actually emphasize words like that, don't force your own inflection down the readers eyes.

11. Find typos and grammatical errors. Always use a spell checker. Check for common grammatical errors. For example. Dave and Erica looked down the street and seen a monkey shoot out a window.

*Each time you sit down to reread your manuscript, choose one point from the list to look for; ignore everything else. Every rereading needs to accomplish a specific task. Have a set goal in mind each time you start. Know what it is you plan to achieve, and your revision time will accomplish more.

Happy Writing!

CRITICAL MESSAGE

Initially, I did not mean to post this message here. The message was meant for my personal blog. When I went to delete it, however, something in my spirit prompted me to leave it. So for what it's worth, here is my message. I will try to refrain from posting non-writing posts in the future. Thanks.

The following email was sent to me by a relative. I am not sure where she obtained her information, but I can tell you from personal experience it is accurate with one exception. Paget's disease is not a new finding. My mother died from it in 2001. It is a rare cancer. All the symptoms described in this article happened to my mother. This could be her story, in fact. Please take any changes in your breast seriously. If you are a male and reading this, please forward to your female loved ones. Please, please don't hesitate to get mammograms and second opinions. If you have any questions regarding this, please write me. It is a very real disease. The good news is it has a very high cure success rate if found early. Thanks for reading. Have a blessed day.

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New kind of Breast Cancer - DO NOT DELETEPlease forward to all of the women in your lives. Mothers, daughters,sisters, aunts, friends, etc.In November, a rare kind of breast cancer was found!A lady developed a rash on her breast, similar to that of young mothers who are nursing. Because her mammogram had been clear, the doctor treated her with antibiotics for infections. After 2 rounds, it continued to get worse, so her doctor sent her for another mammogram. This time it showed a mass. A biopsy found a fast growing malignancy. Chemo was started in order to shrink the growth; then a mastectomy was performed; then a full round of Chemo; then radiation. After about 9months of intense treatment, she was given a clean bill of health. She had one year of living each day to its fullest!Then the cancer returned to the liver area. She took 4 treatments and decided that she wanted quality of life, not the after effects of Chemo. She had 5 great months and she planned each detail of the final days. After a few days of needing morphine, she died.She left this message to be delivered to women everywhere: Women, PLEASE be alert to anything that is not normal, and be persistent in getting help as soon as possible. Paget's Disease: This is a rare form of breast cancer, and is on the outside of the breast, on the nipple and aureole. It appeared as a rash, which later became a lesion with a crusty outer edge. I would not have ever suspected it to be breast cancer but it was. My nipple never seemed any different to me, but the rash bothered me, so I went to the doctor for that. Sometimes, it itched and was sore, but other than that it didn't bother me. It was just ugly and a nuisance, and could not be cleared up with all the creams prescribed by my doctor and dermatologist for the dermatitis on my eyes just prior to this outbreak. They seemed a little concerned but did not warn me it could be cancerous. Now, I suspect not many women out there know a lesion or rash on the nipple or aureole can be breast cancer. Mine started out as a single red pimple on the aureole. One of the biggest problems with Paget's disease of the nipple is that thesymptoms appear to be harmless. It is frequently thought to be a skin inflammation or infection, leading to unfortunate delays in detection and care.What are the symptoms?1. A persistent redness, oozing, and crusting of your nipple causing it to itch and burn. (As I stated, mine did not itch or burn much, and had no oozing I was aware of, but it did have a crust along the outer edge on one side.)2. A sore on your nipple that will not heal. (Mine was on the aureole area with a whitish thick looking area in center of nipple).3. Usually only one nipple is effected.How is it diagnosed? Your doctor will do a physical exam and should suggest having a mammogram of both breasts, done immediately. Even though the redness, oozing and crusting closely resemble dermatitis (inflammation of the skin), your doctor should suspect cancer if the sore is only on one breast. Your doctor should order a biopsy of your sore to confirm what is going on.This message should be taken seriously and passed on to as many of your relatives and friends as possible; it could save someone's life.My breast cancer has spread and metastasized to my bones after receiving mega doses of chemotherapy, 28 treatments of radiation and taking Tamaxofin. If this had been diagnosed as breast cancer in the beginning, perhaps it would not have spread...TO ALL READERS:This is sad as women are not aware of Paget's disease. If, by passing this around on the e-mail, we can make others aware of it and its potential danger, we are helping women everywhere.Please, if you can, take a moment to forward this message to as many people as possible, especially to your family and friends. It only takes a moment, yet the results could save a life.