Trigger-Three can keep a secret if two are gone-
The Secret-by Lisa Braendle
Question: Can narrator tell the story (Narrator POV) even though reader doesn't understand who told the narrator the story? I started out the story in Dorothy's POV but realized that was an issue at the end. And then switched to Narrator, but not sure if that works. Please give your feedback!
The Secret-
Dorothy fought back the tears as she recalled the day when she found an object in the woods by her childhood home that changed her life forever. She was only eight-years-old when she and her two friends, Heather and Teresa, stumbled upon it.
She slowly brushed off the dirt and unwrapped the velvet cloth to reveal an oval mirror with a small, blue handle. She thought it was just a regular mirror. But it wasn’t. She stared into the cloudy mirror and could not put it down. She felt drawn to it. Excited, she twirled round and round as if she was on one of the amusement park rides her Grandpa had taken her on.
Teresa and Heather thought it was stupid when Dorothy would not go anywhere without it. And, after a few weeks, she gazed into the mirror like she had done hundreds of times when suddenly through swirls of haze, Dorothy saw a face. It was the face of a young girl, around the same age as Dorothy, with hair like the color of butter.
“Who are you?” Dorothy whispered to the vision.
“My name is Elizabeth.”
“Why are you in there?” she said as she turned her head from side to side to see if anyone was watching.
"I can’t get out. What is your name?”
“My name is Dorothy. How did you get in there?” She asked as she twisted the ends of her hair.
"I found the mirror a long time ago. I got mad and wished I could go somewhere else, and then poof, I was in here.”
"Where did it come from?”
“It was in the woods by my house. I wish I hadn’t ever found it.”
“I wish I could help you,” Dorothy said.“But you can. You can wish your friends were in here and they’d be here, and I’d be free.”
“I can’t do that!”
“You’re right. That was a pretty stupid.”
“I’m sorry,” Dorothy said as she rubbed the mirror, and hoped the girl could feel her touch.
“Can’t we be friends anyway?”
“Okay. Sure,” said the porcelain face of pain.
Dorothy and Elizabeth had many conversations about dumb boys and how Dorothy didn’t like her Mom and Dad telling her what to do. But, her friends soon became jealous of Elizabeth and even threatened to tell their parents about her.
Dorothy panicked and didn’t know what to do. She knew she’d be in trouble or worse that her new friend would go away. Suddenly, Dorothy thought back to the conversation with Elizabeth.
She could wish her friends were in the mirror instead. That would work, she thought. Wouldn’t it? It had to. That’s when she came up with the plan. That same day, she invited her friends over for a sleep over.
"Hi guys,” Dorothy said with a nervous smile. “Want to play a game?”
Teresa and Heather looked at each other and shrugged their shoulders. “Sure,” they said in unison.“Why not,” Heather said without much enthusiasm.
“Great. Okay, this is what we need to do. First, I’ll blindfold you both, and then we’ll play a kind of hide and seek. Are you ready?"
They both nodded.
She tied a scarf to cover their eyes, and placed the mirror in front of them and muttered, “I wish Teresa and Heather were in this mirror.”
Heather and Teresa quickly tore off the scarf in order to see what was going on. Suddenly, Heather’s face contorted into something wide and long and then into something short and narrow as did the rest of her little body. Wide eyed, she howled and turned translucent as the mirror’s power finally pulled her in.
“Help me, Dorothy,” Heather cried, “What is happening to me?”
“Don’t worry. It will be okay in a minute. We can still be friends.” She secretly hoped so anyway.
Teresa started to run away as tears streamed down her face, but didn’t get far. She screamed and tumbled to the ground as she too, started to change into a different form. Her body elongated and shortened simultaneously, back and forth, she stretched.
It reminded Dorothy of the time she was in a funhouse when she stood in front of the wavy mirrors that made her body look weird. In the end, Teresa could not escape the mirror’s strong grasp, and she was sucked into the mirror.However, when Dorothy looked into the mirror, she could not see her friends. She did see Elizabeth.
“Now what? Why didn’t you come out?” Dorothy asked.“I don’t know. Something went wrong. You’re friends couldn’t stay here. They had to go to another place.”
Shaking and shivering, Dorothy stood on the cold, hard ground. “Another place? What do you mean another place! I thought they would be okay in the mirror so we could at least still be friends. What happened to them,” she demanded.
“I just don’t know, Dorothy. I’m really sorry. I just want to get out of this mirror,” Elizabeth said as her face wrinkled and brown spots started to spread across her face while her once light brown hair turned to a dull gray.
Dorothy dropped the mirror and ran and ran until she couldn’t hear Elizabeth’s screeches any more.“Don’t leave me. Don’t leave me like all of the others. We’ll figure it out together… come back. Dorothy…come back to me.”
That’s all Dorothy heard as she ran as fast as she could back to her house. She slammed the door and didn’t look back.
Several years later, she did go back to those same woods, which was a big mistake. She felt its power. She lie on the ground and scattered the dried leaves in the area she’d dropped the mirror. She lowered her head, and silently wished she could find the source of her nightmares and the answers for peace of mind.“I wish I could find my friends,” she said aloud as she pounded the ground in frustration. Heart racing, her face suddenly widened and in horror, Dorothy touched her face. Oh no, no…no…no…she cried as her body transformed into something between time and space, and inside the mirror now, she found herself staring at Elizabeth, young once again.
“Your wish is my command,” Elizabeth whispered.
Dorothy and her friends entered a new dimension with Elizabeth. One that they could not escape.
###
Question: Can narrator tell the story (Narrator POV) even though reader doesn't understand who told the narrator the story? I started out the story in Dorothy's POV but realized that was an issue at the end. And then switched to Narrator, but not sure if that works. Please give your feedback!
The Secret-
Dorothy fought back the tears as she recalled the day when she found an object in the woods by her childhood home that changed her life forever. She was only eight-years-old when she and her two friends, Heather and Teresa, stumbled upon it.
She slowly brushed off the dirt and unwrapped the velvet cloth to reveal an oval mirror with a small, blue handle. She thought it was just a regular mirror. But it wasn’t. She stared into the cloudy mirror and could not put it down. She felt drawn to it. Excited, she twirled round and round as if she was on one of the amusement park rides her Grandpa had taken her on.
Teresa and Heather thought it was stupid when Dorothy would not go anywhere without it. And, after a few weeks, she gazed into the mirror like she had done hundreds of times when suddenly through swirls of haze, Dorothy saw a face. It was the face of a young girl, around the same age as Dorothy, with hair like the color of butter.
“Who are you?” Dorothy whispered to the vision.
“My name is Elizabeth.”
“Why are you in there?” she said as she turned her head from side to side to see if anyone was watching.
"I can’t get out. What is your name?”
“My name is Dorothy. How did you get in there?” She asked as she twisted the ends of her hair.
"I found the mirror a long time ago. I got mad and wished I could go somewhere else, and then poof, I was in here.”
"Where did it come from?”
“It was in the woods by my house. I wish I hadn’t ever found it.”
“I wish I could help you,” Dorothy said.“But you can. You can wish your friends were in here and they’d be here, and I’d be free.”
“I can’t do that!”
“You’re right. That was a pretty stupid.”
“I’m sorry,” Dorothy said as she rubbed the mirror, and hoped the girl could feel her touch.
“Can’t we be friends anyway?”
“Okay. Sure,” said the porcelain face of pain.
Dorothy and Elizabeth had many conversations about dumb boys and how Dorothy didn’t like her Mom and Dad telling her what to do. But, her friends soon became jealous of Elizabeth and even threatened to tell their parents about her.
Dorothy panicked and didn’t know what to do. She knew she’d be in trouble or worse that her new friend would go away. Suddenly, Dorothy thought back to the conversation with Elizabeth.
She could wish her friends were in the mirror instead. That would work, she thought. Wouldn’t it? It had to. That’s when she came up with the plan. That same day, she invited her friends over for a sleep over.
"Hi guys,” Dorothy said with a nervous smile. “Want to play a game?”
Teresa and Heather looked at each other and shrugged their shoulders. “Sure,” they said in unison.“Why not,” Heather said without much enthusiasm.
“Great. Okay, this is what we need to do. First, I’ll blindfold you both, and then we’ll play a kind of hide and seek. Are you ready?"
They both nodded.
She tied a scarf to cover their eyes, and placed the mirror in front of them and muttered, “I wish Teresa and Heather were in this mirror.”
Heather and Teresa quickly tore off the scarf in order to see what was going on. Suddenly, Heather’s face contorted into something wide and long and then into something short and narrow as did the rest of her little body. Wide eyed, she howled and turned translucent as the mirror’s power finally pulled her in.
“Help me, Dorothy,” Heather cried, “What is happening to me?”
“Don’t worry. It will be okay in a minute. We can still be friends.” She secretly hoped so anyway.
Teresa started to run away as tears streamed down her face, but didn’t get far. She screamed and tumbled to the ground as she too, started to change into a different form. Her body elongated and shortened simultaneously, back and forth, she stretched.
It reminded Dorothy of the time she was in a funhouse when she stood in front of the wavy mirrors that made her body look weird. In the end, Teresa could not escape the mirror’s strong grasp, and she was sucked into the mirror.However, when Dorothy looked into the mirror, she could not see her friends. She did see Elizabeth.
“Now what? Why didn’t you come out?” Dorothy asked.“I don’t know. Something went wrong. You’re friends couldn’t stay here. They had to go to another place.”
Shaking and shivering, Dorothy stood on the cold, hard ground. “Another place? What do you mean another place! I thought they would be okay in the mirror so we could at least still be friends. What happened to them,” she demanded.
“I just don’t know, Dorothy. I’m really sorry. I just want to get out of this mirror,” Elizabeth said as her face wrinkled and brown spots started to spread across her face while her once light brown hair turned to a dull gray.
Dorothy dropped the mirror and ran and ran until she couldn’t hear Elizabeth’s screeches any more.“Don’t leave me. Don’t leave me like all of the others. We’ll figure it out together… come back. Dorothy…come back to me.”
That’s all Dorothy heard as she ran as fast as she could back to her house. She slammed the door and didn’t look back.
Several years later, she did go back to those same woods, which was a big mistake. She felt its power. She lie on the ground and scattered the dried leaves in the area she’d dropped the mirror. She lowered her head, and silently wished she could find the source of her nightmares and the answers for peace of mind.“I wish I could find my friends,” she said aloud as she pounded the ground in frustration. Heart racing, her face suddenly widened and in horror, Dorothy touched her face. Oh no, no…no…no…she cried as her body transformed into something between time and space, and inside the mirror now, she found herself staring at Elizabeth, young once again.
“Your wish is my command,” Elizabeth whispered.
Dorothy and her friends entered a new dimension with Elizabeth. One that they could not escape.
###
posted by Lisa | 1:40 PM
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