Tip of the Week - dialogue tags and voice

This is one area of writing that frequently gets overlooked and to the writer's discredit. Proper use and format for dialogue tags is very important.

First lets discuss format:

1) A lead in approach: Dave stumbled through the doorway, fell hard to the floor, and said, "Who cut off my feet?"
In this arrangement, the dialogue is preceeded by "said" and a comma. Any punctuation stays within the quotes, as the question mark is in my example.

2) Split format: "About time you got here," Dave said. "The house is almost ash." (Fire alarm joke Jill :) )
This way, the dialogue is split in to two sections, allowing the tag to give a little break between them. Notice the punctuation. In the first section of the dialogue, the comma is placed before the closing quote mark. The close of the sentence is "Dave said." It is also acceptable to have a comma after "Dave said" then continue in the next section with an uncapitalized lead in word.
This format is very useful when there is a lot to be said. The break should come very early, then the rest can flow to the end. This is a tip I learned from Editing Yourself into Print. The author states that the reading "ear" requires a little pause at the front, but can hang on until the end after that.

3) Short dialogue: "Thanks for the computer Mr. Gates," Dave said.
This form is like the split format, but without the trailing section of dialogue.

4) Thoughts: Dave climbed out of the vat, and walked toward the raucous crowd. I hope nothing is showing through the whole in my pants.
There are several things to remember when using thoughts.
a) Never use quotes
b) It is proper to italicize thoughts (I checked Lisa, you were right.)
c) A thought tag is not needed.
By this I mean that instead of: "What just hit me in the head?" Dave wondered.
Use this: What just hit me in the head?
By dropping the thought tag, it strengthens the effect.

Second, lets discuss the order in which pieces of the dialogue need to be set.

Q: Which comes first, the person or the said?
A: The person.
This will make your dialogue stronger.
Use this: "He smelled like a four month old salami,"Dave said.
Not this: "Her teeth were as white as the business end of a high velocity snow ball," said Dave.

Lastly, let's consider the tag itself.
This is one area where my writing instructer slapped me silly. There is a great book on this very topic entitled, "SHUT UP!" he explained."
I was very extravagant with my speaker attributions, ie Dave growled, Dave snarled, Dave snorted, Dave chuckled, etc.

Once this had been pointed out to me, bedtime stories with my son became gag and barf sessions. One of his books had the tag "they gurgled." I found myself editing while I read. but I digress.

It is best in most occasions to use the word "said" as your speaker attribution. Show the strength of your dialogue with the dialogue itself, not with a descriptive tag.

Here is an example of how this can get ugly fast:

"Hi," Dave greeted.
"Hello," Lisa waved.
"How are you?" Dave questioned.
"Oh, I am fine," Lisa answered.
"Nice weather," Dave commented.
"It certainly is," Lisa agreed.

You get the idea. Tags liked "waved" and "gurgled" dont even make sense. The word "Hello" is not spoken with the waving hand, it is spoken from the mouth. The speaker attribution is needed only to convey who is speaking. It is not necessary to have a tag on every bit of dialogue. As in the example above, even if all of the goofy tags were changed to "said" it would still be cumbersome to read.

The dialogue should be able to tip you off as to who is saying it. Following is a short excerpt from my book "Black, White, and Shades of Gray." In this little piece, there are two boys, Patrick, a white son of a slave owner, and Smudge, a small black slave boy.

****
"Why they give us hog slop," Smudge said as he and Patrick sat on the ground to eat.

"You’d have to know my father better to understand."

"Don’t wanna do that, I knows enough already."
****

Although the last two pieces of dialogue do not have tags, it is clear who is speaking. The voice of the character should be able to tell you who is speaking. Of course, if there is a conversation going on, it is important to sprinkle tags here and there to help the reader keep track. Just the right amount, not too many, or too few.

Another example:
1) "Owie, it hurts," Dave winced.
2) Dave's face contorted with the pain. "My arm is on fire."